Manifestering

We moved to 5 different states between 2004 and 2016. In hindsight, that seems culturally exciting, but at the time, it was really freaking hard. That was a lot of adjustment for me alone. Add to it all the emotional weight the kids carried every time they had to leave their homes, schools, and friends. 

 I had a moment (that lasted at least five years, maybe more) where I lost myself. All the books on parenting and marriage encourage us to “take time for ourselves” and “practice self-care.” The problem was, I didn't know what that looked like or when this was allowed. Our schedule was so busy there weren't any time slots left for me.

Honestly, I didn't even know what I liked to do anymore!

 It all caught up to me. It started in my neck and shoulders. My lower back was killing me; I was getting dizzy when I drove, and I drove the kids around for hours every day. I went to the doctor, who told me he couldn't find anything wrong; I was perfectly healthy.

And then I spoke to a mental health professional who suggested, “Gretchen, it sounds like you are lonely." I was doing everything I thought I was supposed to do as a wife and mother. I fed everyone, cleaned up, drove, planned birthday and dinner parties and vacations, and was always there. It was 13 years of being on the clock without a lunch break. I was not recharging my batteries, ever. And it was true; I was so lonely.

 I did not demand time to do what I enjoyed and didn't know I deserved that.

 It took some time, therapy, and courage, but I slowly came out of the fog. I went back to finish my art degree in person; I was no longer online (until COVID hit!). I enjoy going out to dinner with my friends. I started playing tennis, which I absolutely love! I started an art business and am meeting many amazing people. Now, I only feel pain in my body if my workout is too hard.

 For those needing it, I'm offering permission to add fun to your calendar in ink. You deserve it. Get out there and get social!


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